


blocked and reported

by orphan_account



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: 18 naked cowboys in the showers at ram ranch, Attempt at Humor, Background Relationships, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, Humor, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Sexual Humor, Texting, chatfic, im not funny, inspired by lee! heart eyes, leons tits, manlet milo, mentioned aquaheartshipping, mentioned gothgfshipping, mentioned trainshipping, not funny didnt laugh, not sure if i should tag this as m or t since theres an explicit very sexual meme scene funny, ships because im lonely, welcome to joke. you may laugh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:41:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22385035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Leon: this is why youre my BEST FRIEnd (and rival >:)) raihan :))raihan: Ok
Relationships: Dande | Leon/Kibana | Raihan, Everyone & Everyone, Kabu & Yarrow | Milo & Rurina | Nessa, Makuwa | Gordie/Nezu | Piers, Rurina | Nessa/Sonia (mentioned)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 105





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi (smley emoji)( welcome 2 da fic highly inspired by uhh  
> inspired by [go to sleep asshole](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21700513/chapters/51760183) and [three's a crowd](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21647575/chapters/51619675)  
> (also, a lot of headcanons and typign styles are th same :P)  
> \+ a lot of this is based off convos ive had w friendss

_(1:50am)_

**[ chat: pkmn league ]**

**raihan:** :3

 **raihan:** _:3_

 **raihan:** gym challenge. _soon._

**nessa:** uh huh

 **nessa:** don't know if i'm excited or not

**raihan:** wgy WOIULDNT u be excited. what the fuck. i love beating children :)

**nessa:** because some of them are so fucking ANNOYING. LORD.

 **nessa:** AND THEY PICK THE OWRST NUMBERS TOO

 **nessa:** *worst

 **nessa:** it's either your birthday, 69, 666, or 420

 **nessa:** birthdays? acceptable! but the _"lucky"_ 3 make me want to fucking bash my head in

 **nessa:** AND THOSE ARE ALWAYS THE FUCKING STRONG ONES

**raihan:** yea man theyve got the strength 2 wear thsoe numbers in public of course theyre strong in battle 

**raihan:** last yera i had trouble with 69 bt i wiped out 420 and i thinhk opal got 666

**nessa:** of course you had trouble w/ 69

 **nessa:** lonely bitch lol

**raihan:** wtf the only peopel who want 2 date me are fans x_x of coourse im loenly

 **raihan:** why wouldnt people want 2 daet me. If sexy benig crime then I am arrest.

 **raihan:** im very trtied

**nessa:** Go 2 Sleep. Good Night Rai HAn.

**raihan:** _Zzz_

* * *

_ (2:35 pm) _

_**[ chat: pkmn league ]** _

**allister:** toes mmad _(wuiggle)_

**Leon:** allister??

**allister:** leom??

 **allister:** i mgoing back 2 sleep

**Leon:** EXPLAIN??

**allister:**

**allister:** goodnight :)

**Leon:** IS ALLISTER OK...

**Bea:** What the hell

**milo:** what the heck!!

**Bea:** Allister isn't allowed to sleep this late anymore

 **Bea:** He always wakes me up at like, 4am.

 **Bea:** Milo, will you be busy at all today?

**milo:** nope! why :)

**Bea:** One moment.

**raihan:** dont kill alli hes liek 3 

**allister:** im 14 so shut the fuck up

 **allister:** BEA is makng me FRICKING go out and i cant find my mask :((

 **allister:** nvvm fonud ir

 **allister:** see ypu soon milo :))

**milo:** see you soon alli!! :) don't forget your team :D i'm making tea!

**Leon:** can i come PLease.. I have a day off today

 **Leon:** please

**allister:** no

 **allister:** ojk omw milo

**Leon: _@raihan_**

**raihan:** say no more. come 2 hammerlocke rn

**Leon:** this is why youre my BEST FRIEnd (and rival >:)) raihan :))

**raihan:** Ok

**nessa:** best friend lol

**gordie:** hi

 **gordie:** best friend lol

 **gordie:** has anyone seen the leon boobs thirst tweets

**nessa:** of course

 **nessa:** he is kinda packin' some boobage though

**Piers:** I know for a _fact_ Raihan has thirst tweeted about Leon on one of his alts.

 **Piers:** He's got a serious rack, I can't lie

 **Piers:** Not a bad arse either

**gordie:** yeah he's got some fucking honkers that's true

 **gordie:** and yea raihan's definitely randy for him lol

 **gordie:** but leon's lustin after that wanker himbo as well

**Melony:** Gordie!

**gordie:** MMUM

 **gordie:** sorry mum but it's true

**Melony:** You're right though! 

**Melony:** His jugs are a sight to behold :)

**gordie:** im LEAVING

* * *

_ (3:50 pm) _

_**[ chat: pkmn league ]** _

**Leon:** what the fuck

 **Leon:** THEY'RE PECS

**raihan:** theyre tits mate

**Leon:** STOPP SAyN THAT OKAY CHILDREN ARE HERe

**raihan:** do you want to talk about your tits out loud then

**Leon:** Wanker

**raihan:** u know it b ;)

**Leon:** I'll slap you

**raihan:** do it tthEN,mjdkog

* * *

_ (4:10pm) _

_**[ chat: pkmn league ]** _

**allister:**

**allister:** tthius is just raihan

**raihan:** put a sock in it you little prat 

**Leon:** what

**raihan:** i dunno man :))) Allister's just yakking on like a little tosser lol

 **raihan:** thxfor the laughs allister :))))

**allister:** o.O

* * *

_ (4:13pm) _

_**[ chat: raihan, allister ]** _

**raihan:** alli shut your mush

**allister:** >_<

**raihan:** i will tell bea abouit the time you had a roblox boytfrined

**allister:** fFIFEN OK FINE LWAVE ME ALONE

**raihan:** ta, mate

* * *

**gordie:** when will leon accept that his bonkers are massive lol

**Kabu:** While Leon's chest is notable, I don't know if we should keep bringing it up.

**gordie:** champion tits

**Piers:** They are quite nice

**Leon:** THEY'RE NOT THAT BIG

**raihan:** its not a bad thing lee 

**raihan:** at least ur not flat

 **raihan:** i like em

**gordie:** why does he have a good ass AND ttits

 **gordie:** NOT fair.

**Piers:** Are you all daft

 **Piers:** There is a tiny baby here

**allister:**

**allister:** lee rwading this


	2. raihan is so hetero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nessa: DONT CARE DIDNT ASK DONT CARE DIDNT ASK DONT CARE DIDNT ASK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my charactrs r inconsistent af lol  
> also i didnt mean 2 have so much nessa/sonia in this Im Sorry. there wont be as much in the coming chapters  
> i thought this was longer than it actually is but whatevr ill try 2 be longer next time sorry :((

_(12:34pm)_

**[ chat: pkmn league ]**

**nessa:** omg

 **nessa:** you guys know red and blue

 **nessa:** those mfs from kanto

**Leon:** Yeah i've met them

 **Leon:** why

**raihan:** i know of them

**nessa:** _THEY JUST GOT FUCKING MARRIED_

 **nessa:** AND THEY'RE ON THEIR HONEYMOON IN ALOLA

**gordie:** i want red to hold me in his strong bara arms

**Leon:** I have bara arms

**raihan:** no u dont

 **raihan:** champion leon got skinny arms but big tiddies whats his secert

**Leon:** THEYRE PECs

**nessa:** SHUT THE FUCK UP. BACK TO WAHT I WAS SAYING.

 **nessa:** *what

 **nessa:** THEY STOPPED ALL ENTRY INTO ALOLA JUST FOR THEIR HONEYMOON.

**raihan:** my fucking god! these bitches gay! good for them. good for them

 **raihan:** haha imagine being gay. coudlnt be me. never. ever noooo im not gay! i hate men. whats a penis

**Leon:** Haha me neither

**Piers:** Raihan, Leon

 **Piers:** I have slept with both of you

 **Piers:** Shut up

 **Piers:** Stupid submissive bitch boy Lee

**Leon:** SHUT THUE FUCK UP PIERS I AM THRE CHAMPION. Nobody is suposed to KNOW tht i know what sex is!!

 **Leon:** WHY DO YOU BULLY ME BUT NOT RAIHAN

 **Leon:** Don't tell anyone else we'll both be castrated

**raihan:** because im notr a fucking bottom bitch

**Leon:** sndfjsdnhjfl

**Piers:** Don't call him a bitch he might like it

 **Piers:** Marnie heard

 **Piers:** All her mates probably know now lol

**raihan:** wow piers way to let out my secret. speakiung oif 

**raihan:** r u busy

**Piers:** DM

**Leon:** <:)

* * *

_(1:51pm)_

**[ chat: pkmn league ]**

**allister:** whar

**Bea:** YOU GUYS. 

**Bea:** _How many times do you have to be reminded that Allister is here?_

**raihan:** lol

 **raihan:** just got laid! #sex

**Piers:** Shut up

 **Piers:** Allister is here 

**Piers:** Daft cunt

**raihan:** :(

**Piers:** Marnies fuckin mad at us

**nessa:** why

**Piers:** Loud

_**Bea** removed **allister**._

**Bea:** You horny fuckers

 **Bea:** He's tiny

**gordie:** he fuckin knows this already

 **gordie:** he's right corrupted

**Bea:** Fine

 **Bea:** Tone it down.

**raihan:** :( 

_**Bea** added **allister**. _

**allister:** bea ii know all thjis already O_o

**Bea:** You shouldn't

 **Bea:** Tiny baby

**allister:** :( im goan take a fricking nap!!

**raihan:** goodnight, sweet prince

**Piers:** Now that the baby's gone

 **Piers:** Raihan only sleeps with me as a substitute lmao

 **Piers:** Not complaining

**nessa:** DONT CARE DIDNT ASK DONT CARE DIDNT ASK DONT CARE DIDNT ASK

**Piers:** Fine

**raihan:** heading back 2 hammerlocke 😏

**nessa:** loser

* * *

_(3:10pm)_

**[ chat: pkmn league ]**

**nessa:** oh yeah

 **nessa:** about the alola thing

 **nessa:** i want to take sonia there for our honeymoon 

**nessa:** assuming she says yes to my proposal!

**raihan:** wtf

 **raihan:** why didnt i know u were proposing

**nessa:** i'm only doing it today

 **nessa:** it's our anniversary

**raihan:** omg good luck ness

**nessa:** i don't need it 😏

**Melony:** I remember when I proposed...

* * *

_(4:15pm)_

_**[ chat: pkmn league ]** _

**raihan:** nessa you've inspired me

 **raihan:** does anyone know the best way to find shiny pkmn :3

**nessa:** what

 **nessa:** uh

 **nessa:** idk do you prefer hatching or fainting

**raihan:** hatching probably

**nessa:** aight

 **nessa:** dm

* * *

_(5:30pm)_

_**[ chat: pkmn league ]** _

**raihan:** how logn is this supposed 2 take

 **raihan:** :(

**nessa:** a Fucking While

 **nessa:** if you have a lucky charm or shiny charm or whatever it goes faster

**raihan:** why ddint u fucking tell me that

 **raihan:** im gonna flex so hard on all of u when i getr this green ass apple

**nessa:** omg

 **nessa:** AN APPLIN??

 **nessa:** RAIHAN

 **nessa:** hes sucj a loser he's gonna love it

 **nessa:** *such

**raihan:** any1 would be honored 2 get a gift from me 😏

 **raihan:** ok im gonna use a charm leon gave me

 **raihan:** I'm not gay i swear

* * *

_(8:30pm)_

_**[ chat: pkmn league ]** _

**nessa:** SHE SAID YES

**raihan:** CCCONGRAYTS NESS!!!

**Leon:** COGNRAYTULATIONS NESSA...... QUEEN.

**gordie:** AIHSUGKJSDHFKSDFKHJNJKSDFHNSDKJHUFNBSHDJFBSDHFBSHJKDFB GCIBGRATS

**Melony:** Congratulations Nessa!! :)

**Piers:** I'm gonna have a kip but congrats Nessa :)

**raihan:** NEVER use an emote again

**Piers:** Eat my ass

 **Piers:** Bye

**nessa:** OK BYE HANGING OUT WITH MY _FIANCE_

**raihan:** what kind of loser has a fiance

 **raihan:** WHAT THE FUCLK GRENE APLE BRB

 **raihan:** SDLFJGSDJNGFLK:SJDN FG:KLJSNDF:LK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please join [lee's discord!](https://discord.gg/UjYYsHw)


End file.
